I wasn’t made in a day nor was I a product of simple human reproduction. My destiny is much greater than that of anything man can ever produce. My making is that of meaning, purpose and perseverance. My genetic make-up has nothing to do with my soul. My hair doesn’t reflect my essence. My identity is not defined by any of these things. Who I am has nothing to do with what I am.
Through my eyes, you can enter the portal to who I am. Past all superficial existences. Past assumptions and the selfish need for a conformist’s weakness. Past human foolishness. Rather than just being the product of intimacy between my parents, I am the end result of a social experiment gone wrong.
Cruelty was combined with degradation, to create a poison so potent, even the most vain of people fall in its presence. My emotions were put in a petri dish and tortures relentlessly. Not with physical force or mental manipulation, but with poison. The poison this world has become so accustomed to using.
Poison that pollutes the minds of our young. Poison that leaks through glass screens, right into lurking eyes and contaminated minds. Society has created, perfected and distributed this concoction to its people and now it’s become its own army in a war against the very people that are under its spell. The name of this poison is “Chemical Insecurity, unbalanced Thoughts, Stupidity, and Words” or “I.T.S.W”. But I like to call it “Chemical I Thought Stupid Words” and of course said them after.
Now, once my emotions were taken from me and brought to the lab, the reaction started. In a voodoo doll type fashion, everything that the dimwitted scientists were doing to alter my emotions, I felt. At first it was simple manipulation of my peers that caused them to give me wicked looks and snarls. Then it was the “loner treatment” that forced me to be shied away from social “in-crowds”. And finally I was poisoned with the antidote for I.T.S.W. Instead of me being the proprietor I was the victim. My emotions no longer had any defense to the poison. Those who were infected now had full reign to begin battle on me.
Day by day the enemy gained power. Growing stronger and mischievous with every passing moment. War tactics became more and more wicked and spiteful. And my side effect to all this was … food. Cookies eased pain. Fried chicken knew my hurt. Lasagna gave comfort. Potato chips were some of my closest friends. Yet the side effect only proved itself to be ammo.
With every calorie I took in, the infected fired a shot. With every pound gained the blows got stronger. Until something unexpected happened. With every bit of dignity stolen, my courage grew. And even though the depression side effect set in, I stopped giving the infected reason to keep fighting me.
I stopped eating. Not just in excess. I stopped eating. I limited myself to one meal a day. Though one could hardly say it was a meal. I lost weight in numbers. And with every pound lost, my light grew brighter. The poison loses its effect in the light. The brighter my light got, the faster my wounds healed. The faster my wounds healed the more strength I regained. And with that strength, I took back the things the mutants had stolen from me.
Not everything, but I took the important things. Like my dignity and most importantly I took the leash they had me tied to. No longer would they have the authority to have that much power over me. Once I had that, I knew it was time to take a trip to the lab. No longer would my emotions be tormented and tampered with …
Wait … that’s it. I had figured it out. After all the turmoil of war I got it. After being down in the trenches for so long, I had gotten out and my life was spared; some didn’t get that chance. But more important than all that, I had defeated I.T.S.W !
Cruelty and degradation no longer bothered me. I was immune to the chemical. My defenses weren’t down anymore. And now that everyone could see my light, I found my place. I belong in a spotlight on a stage.
So you see, you had no idea I fought in a war did you? No, you only saw what you could. I’m not what you thought or could have even imagined. Nope, I’m more than that. I’m the product of Mom, Dad, Paul, Sam, Keisha, Andrea, Pete and everyone else that has impacted my life. I am the result of a social experiment that was meant to be my demise.
HA! But it didn’t break me. It made me who I am.
So now you understand …
This is my Made-Self